I hate being an Adult..

As a teenager, I abhorred the idea of adulthood. I would approach each birthday with a sense of dread, like I was being marched towards a guillotine. I remember being particularly miserable on both my 18^th & 24^th birthday. The first one because it meant officially I was now a adult, and the second, because I it meant I was skipped on the other side of the twenties.

Not that my teenage years were any easy.

I was your regular spotty teenager, unsure of herself, lacking confidence and always nursing a secret crush or a broken heart. I never approached any of my crushes, I was so sure that they would rebuff my advances. And conversely I gained a reputation for being notoriously shy and as a result no boy ever approached me as well. I wasn’t sure where my career was headed.
Hell, I didn’t even know if I had a career to speak of. I hoped that I would not end up as a nobody. I wasn’t sure what my skills were. If I was good at anything.  It wasn’t a very pleasant time, to be honest, and I struggled. Even thinking about them causes a distant churn, an acne in my stomach that I used to get those days when I would be nervous.

But even after all that, I would rather go back then be an adult. Being an adult is worse than having your teenage heart broken. Because as a teenager I could cry & mope around. As an adult, I need to suck it up & control my emotions. Being an adult is very, very confusing. If you don’t make decisions, then you are a wimp. If you do, then the adults around you will doubt and question you. You are wrong if you go left, and wrong if you go right. And sometimes the way you went left or right is wrong itself. And because you are an adult, you are expected to respond to all this criticism in a very mature manner (which basically means = no emotions)

As an adult you have opinions, but your parents aren’t interested because to them you are still a child. And another adult will just respond to point out flaws in perspective -  maybe you are being prejudiced.

There are so many things pulling on you, and there is only so much time that you have. You have to prioritize and invariably that which gets prioritized at the bottom will then drive you into guilt frenzy. As a teenage I longed for the freedom to just stay out late, and go out when ever I wanted. Back then I didn’t have the money nor the freedom. Now I have those but I don’t have time. I have to be in office the next day.

You don’t make friends as easily as before, you have to control (read: dig up a hole & bury) your emotions.

Yea, there is the “independence” of time, but what the hell do I do with that, when I have a pile of dishes waiting for me plus grocery shopping & cooking?

Yea, I have money now so I can buy anything I want, but 5 out of 7 days, I go to a office where there are rules on dressing (called formal dress code) and I certainly can’t wear that sparkly blue eye shadow.

I hate being an adult for sure.

What about you? Do you feel differently?